Sunday, June 16, 2013

I am human

Well folks, this will be my last week living at home. Holy cabooses I 'm growing up. I think subconsciously it's impacting me a lot more than I am consciously aware of right now. I was sick all day yesterday after my first day of work at the Cannon center and I never get sick. Never. I tend to be my worst enemy when it comes to doing something new in the sense that I view myself a lot worse off than I actually am. People can tell me all day how great I am but if I don't see it in myself first, I will never believe them. In the end I realize yet once again that it doesn't matter how other people view you, it's how you view yourself. One of my all time favorite Marianne Williamson quotes says: "Our self perception determines our behavior. If we think we're small, limited, inadequate creatures, then we tend to behave that way, and the energy we radiate reflects those thoughts no matter what we do. If we think we're magnificent creatures with an infinite abundance of love and power to give, then we tend to behave that way. Once again, the energy around us reflects our state of awareness." I believe in this concept wholeheartedly and I absolutely love it. I can definitely tell a difference with my interactions with others when I think I am an amazing, daughter of God versus when I think that I am inadequate or not good enough. Isn't it interesting how our interactions with others reflects how we treat ourselves?

I think my biggest concern right now is getting everything done by this Friday. Yep, this Friday is when I move out. I still need to buy my books for my classes, get a laptop and figure out what clothes and books I want to bring. There isn't a whole lot of book space on my desk so I will definitely have to condense it down to my top favorites (A Return to Love, Their Eyes Were Watching God, Love is Letting go of Fear, The Glass Castle, The Great Gatsby, The Book Thief, The Help and The Grapes of Wrath). There is a certain degree of comfort and security I feel when I am surrounded by good literature.

Well, until next time.

Saturday, June 8, 2013

We all live in a yellow submarine

Where to start? I love people. There is nothing that fascinates me more than human behavior and experience. I love when people's eyes light up when they figure out their passion and their honest moments that truly portray how they are feeling. I tend to surround myself with people who are authentic and know how to have fun. I have a harder time being with people who are extremely aggressive and strongly opinionated. Let me clarify, it's good to have a strong opinion but as far as thinking that your opinion is the only right one and that you're an idiot if you don't think the same way, you won't be seeing very much of me. I view myself as a free thinker and I am constantly looking for edification.

I will be starting summer school at BYU in a couple of weeks as a visiting student then in the fall I will be attending BYU-Idaho. I am super stoked. One of my closest friends is up there now majoring in sociology and she loves it. She says that the dance program is awesome. However, she's really good at every style of dance and I'm only experienced in ballroom dancing. That will be interesting. Good thing that I am taking a contemporary dance class this summer. I will also be taking writing and rhetoric and Spanish. Two words: giddy up. I was ready for college back in December, five months before I graduated. As much as I loved high school and made a lot of great friends, I am more than ready to move forward.

There are three things that I am going to miss about high school: Mrs. Van Orden, Mrs. Stewart and ballroom. Three years on the varsity ballroom team definitely shapes you to think a certain way. Not gonna lie, I was getting kind of sick of the whole thing by the end of my junior year. When you do the same thing year after year, one can't help but get tired of it. My favorite parts of being on team were the concerts and tours. Nationals always gave me an anxiety attack so I can't say that was on the list of favorites. However, I worshiped the varsity team's standard medley "string attack" when I was a freshman and to be able to dance it at nationals my sophomore and junior year was an honor. I hold that standard medley in a special place in my heart. It hurts me to see JV dance it, but life moves on. It's going to be kind of weird to be starting from scratch when I get to BYU-I, because I am so used to being at the top of the food chain, but now I will feel a stronger push to work hard and improve myself. Hooray for new beginnings.