I honestly can't believe that the semester will be over in two weeks. I don't even really know what to say about it other than that I love everything that I have experienced up here in Rexburg. I have learned so much. I'm kind of sad that I won't be here for next semester. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited to go on a mission, but I really love the people up here and the campus. I brought it up with my roommate, Alexa, and we both concurred that we're going to miss each other a lot. Alexa said the nicest thing to me yesterday: "Emilee, you are the funniest and most interesting person I have ever known." I asked her what she meant by interesting and she said that I have a different perspective on life and that I help her to see things differently. That made me feel good. I love her so much. She is definitely one of my favorite people up here. I remember when I first got here, I was trying to decide what bed I wanted. I chose the room that Alexa was in because the energy that it emanated resonated with me. Her side of the room was covered with words and pictures that radiated hope, wholeness and love. And everything was pink. I love pink. I'm so grateful that I chose the room that I did because Alexa is like the sister that I never had. She is seriously so great and I'm going to miss her so much. We tell each other everything.
I went through the temple for the first time last Saturday, and in all honesty, I don't think that I have ever been more overwhelmed. It just wasn't what I expected. My mind was just boggled for the next couple of days and getting used to wearing garments was interesting. Not bad, just different. I went again on Thursday and everything was much better. I don't think that I would be able to explain what certain things meant to someone else but the feelings that I had felt good. And everything that is good is from God. The garments are actually really comfy and they are a wonderful reminder of the covenants that I have made. They are such a blessing. I get nervous every time I take them off because I'm scared that I will get struck by lightning. I'm totally kidding, but not really. I really do feel protected when I wear them, which is almost always.
Preparing for my mission is really helping me to progress in my testimony of the gospel and in the development of my character. I find myself relying on God more than I have ever done before. What really helps me is at the end of each prayer I say: "Heavenly Father, I am yours. I am thy servant. I will go where you want me to go and I will do whatever thou wouldst have me do." However, I still have my moments where I have spurts of anxiety. The most nerve-racking to me is the thought of having to readjust to a new environment and having to start off on a lower point. The same thing happened when I started school at BYU in the summer and coming up here to Rexburg in September. The first two weeks were awful. I am nervous to go on a mission but I also know that everything is going to be amazing and that I will be changed for the better. I really want to help people and I really want to inspire others to come unto Christ. I want people to feel the love and forgiveness that I have received from the Savior and for them to experience it as well. I'm also nervous about the food in the Midwest. I heard that the people down there make a lot of fried foods. I don't eat fried food. That's why I wanted to go to Japan because I wanted to eat a plethora amount of sushi and rice. But then again I would have had to learn Japanese and that's not a cake walk. I'm grateful that I'm speaking English.
I had this epiphany the other day and I realized how much I was living in fear because I wasn't living in the moment. It was at the point where it was governing my interactions with others. I finally came to the conclusion that I was done with living in fear and that I was going to keep myself living in the moment. The truth is that there is only love in the moment. Guilt resides in the past and fear is abundant in the unknown future. You can't help but be happy and at peace with your life when you live in the moment. The personal mantras that help me to live in the moment are: "there is no where that I would rather be than right here, right now" and "I am living in the moment." I still have my moments where I catch myself over thinking things but those positive affirmations do help me realign myself. I also realized that the less I think about things, the better I feel.
Anywho. That's what's new with me. Lately I have been listening to the Mindy Gledhill (Holiday) station on Pandora and I highly recommend it. It makes me feel all giddy for the Christmas season. This is one of my favorite songs from the station:
Have an awesome day/week/month everyone! I hope you are doing well. If you're not, then you are on the verge of greatness. Just surrender everything to God and everything will fall into place. Also, love yourself, miraculous changes happen with self-love.