Despite the fact that I am not even a mile away from my childhood, I still feel that I am in a whole different world. So far, college has been fun; it's been interesting to meet new people from all over the country as well as outside of the country. However, with my lack of sleep and poor choices of when my classes are, I feel a little swamped. Everyday, except the weekends, I have Spanish 101 that starts at 8 in the morning. That was a poor choice on my part considering that I don't usually go to bed until 11:30 or 12, and I'm the type of person that has to have at least eight hours of sleep or I won't be able to function properly. Then I have my contemporary dance class that starts at 12 and ends at 12:50. I absolutely love that class because I feel like I'm in my element; my mind gets quiet and I let my body do all the talking. My dance teacher is absolutely brilliant; her knowledge of modern dance and contemporary is so vast and her body is incredible. The first day of class I could not stop looking at her arms, they are completely toned and sculpted by years of intense workouts; her feet are so boney and flexible, and when she points her toes her whole foot curves under. I wish my feet were like that.
My writing and rhetoric class is definitely one of my favorites. My professor actually knows my older brother, Jared, because he used to be good friends with her younger brother. Those of you who know Nathan McQuarrie, it's his older sister. Isn't that a crazy coincidence? Anywho, she reminds me of Mrs. Stewart and Mrs. Van Orden with her level of authenticity and her goofy sense of humor. She is seriously so funny and awesome. We were learning the rhetorical triangle the other day and she gave/showed us two speeches and had us analyze why they worked or didn't work with that particular audience. I laughed out loud when she gave us the copies of the speeches because one of them was the ironic marriage proposal given by Mr. Collins in Pride and Prejudice and the other one was the inspirational speech given by Aragorn before the final battle of Mordor. I absolutely love both of these speeches so that definitely gave her brownie points. I wish I had this class more often but I only have it every Tuesday and Thursday from 5:10-7:40 in the evening. It's a good thing that I like this class a lot or it would feel very long.
Lately I have been having a hard time emotionally, more in the sense that I am not getting my emotional needs met. I know that may sound strange, but I'm used to a life where I was having deep conversations with my Mom and with my closest friends on a daily basis. I'm so used to a life where expressing exactly what I think and feel is a normal, day-to-day relief of emotion. Without this habitual human connection, I feel deprived and unfulfilled. It's not that I feel like I have to be around people all of the time, I just want to be able to express myself through authentic conversation whenever I want. Right now I don't feel liberated enough to express my fears or what I really want in my life with my roommates. They don't really know me yet and they don't know my past. Plus, they're not exactly easy to talk to since we all have our different interests and backgrounds. Don't get me wrong, we all get along and somehow we do connect because we live under the same roof, but I don't feel the same way that I did before I moved out. I haven't laughed very hard in what seems like a long time for me: 4 days. I used to laugh in the shower almost every time, but now I don't find things as funny anymore. I think I'm just used to being with people that share my sense of humor and similar interests, for instance, my Mom and I are basically the same person with the same sense of humor and thought processes. It's weird to live with people that you've never met before and that don't know anything about you. Hopefully as time goes on this iceberg of awkwardness and inauthenticity will break and we will be able to connect with each other on a deeper level. Writing about my thoughts and feelings helps a lot, but in my opinion, nothing comes parallel to the fulfillment of human interaction and connection.